I am not I…

Just clearing out my phone of all of the dumb selfies I’ve taken over the last year. I got off social media because I was buying into the idea of “perfection”. My whole identity was built on how I looked and now I am changing and learn to see rather than be seen. I feel a hurricane of emotions right now. Most of which I haven’t fully fleshed out. My heart is aching and I wish I had a time machine. I can’t even begin to put into words what is weighing on my heart quite yet but I know I have to learn to identify more with my mind and soul than my mortal body. Gosh I’m grateful for the wonderful life I’ve lived. It’s been utterly beautiful and relatively pain free until this last year, which has challenged and pushed us all. I hope I’m strong enough to endure the pain I’m going through. I’m trying to learn that my skin and bones are just my vessel through this journey of life. But gosh I’ve been so attached to my vessel for so long. All of these pictures are of me but they are not me.

“I am not I.
I am this one
walking beside me whom I do not see,
whom at times I manage to visit,
and whom at other times I forget;
who remains calm and silent while I talk,
and forgives, gently, when I hate,
who walks where I am not,
who will remain standing when I die.” -Juan Ramon Jiminez

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